The Sinful Practice of "Religious Threats"

"If you do not do X, I will never talk to you again." Or, "I will never let you see my children again." Or, "I will not allow you to see your family."

These statements are made by someone trying desperately to get his own way by using strong verbal threats. These threats do not bespeak love or a holy disposition filled by God's Spirit. Instead, they are manipulative and unloving.

There is a sub-category of threat which I will call a "religious threat" or a "spiritual threat." This happens when the threat has to do with the religious part of the victim's life. For example: "If you do X, I will never forgive you." Or, "If you do not do Y, you are going to Hell." Or, "You are an unbeliever." Or, "God will punish you by killing you." The desired action "X" is could be something that violates the better judgment or conscience of the victim, but would be somehow helpful to the perpetrator to cover up an action or maintain control of a situation.

Or, "X" could be a good thing like, "you children need to be quiet while I am on the phone, and if you don't, I will never speak to you again." Here, the desired outcome is reasonable, but the threat is ungodly. (There are "threats" that are in line with Scripture, like "I will send you to your room." There is nothing ungodly about that in itself; it is more of a promised consequence rather than a threatening sort of thing.)

The strength of the threat comes from the effect that it has on the religious sensibility or conscience of the person. Who wants to go to Hell or not be forgiven or never be talked to again? Such amounts to what modern people call "gaslighting" because it attempts to convince the Christian victim that they are not a Christian unless they do "X." This gets some people to second-guess themselves.

Since the religious type of threat lays claim to the Bible, let us see what Scripture says about threats.

Acts 4:17 But so that it spreads no further among the people, let us severely threaten them, that from now on they speak to no man in this name.

Acts 4:21 So when they had further threatened them, they let them go, finding no way of punishing them, because of the people, since they all glorified God for what had been done.

Acts 4:29 Now, Lord, look on their threats, and grant to Your servants that with all boldness they may speak Your word.

Acts 9:1 Then Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest...

Ephesians 6:9 And you, masters, do the same things to them, giving up threatening, knowing that your own Master also is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him.

The verb "threaten" and its cognate noun form are used six times in the New Testament. The words means to warn sharply or threaten, with an implication of very bad (but often unstated) consequences. It can be a declaration of an intention to inflict some sort of harm on another person. In the case of a religious threat, it is a person stating that God will inflict harm on the victim. The goal of the perpetrator in the Acts occurrences is to stop the progress of the gospel. In Ephesians, the threats have to do with overbearing, abusive, or inconsiderate management to get the servants to be compliant.

Notice in each of the above examples that those making the threats are not models of godly conduct: the Jewish San Hedrin, Saul before he became a follower of Jesus, and ungodly masters who are mistreating their servants. These are not our Christian role models.

1 Peter 2:23 Who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously.

Here is the Christian example, the model for us to follow. Jesus did not threaten those who actually harmed him. Compared to what the San Hedrin and Saul and the slave-master experienced, Jesus was suffering a far greater and personal loss in being crucified. Yet He did not resort to tactics such as threatening, even when He had the power to call legions of angels to His aid or to effect various remedies and punishments upon those who mistreated Him.

May I offer a few thoughts on all this? First, someone who says they will never forgive a person—even if only a verbal threat not ever carried out—demonstrates that they have not grasped the full scope of God's forgiveness of sin. Refusing forgiveness shows a self-centered motivation that appeals to the victim's conscience in a very damaging way. It takes advantage of their desire to be guilt-free and forgiven, to be in a good relationship with the threat-maker. A person cannot take God's place by withholding forgiveness: only God can forgive or not forgive sin. Taking the place of God is arrogant.

Second, another way that someone can take the place of God is to set oneself up as judge regarding someone's eternal state. If you level a threat against someone that if they do not do X, they are going to Hell, you are taking to yourself the role of divine judge. You have no place to do that, and to do so is a clear violation of James 4:11-12.

Third, should a threat-maker reply that they are using this tactic to bend a sinner's behavior toward some good outcome, I simply lay this charge: pragmatism. In saying that the end justifies the means, the threat-maker is disregarding the great damage done by threats to the victim, and also to his own mindset. That is not a godly approach in any scenario. Because the means are sinful, this very often indicates that there is something very wrong with the end as well. If the ends are good, there are good means toward it and there is no need for threats.

Fourth, religious threats do not arise from love. Rather, the motivation seems to be either fear (self-protection) or an inordinate desire to control a situation (another form of gratifying oneself). If you are caught in sin, you might threaten the party who found you out so that they will not tell others. If you do not like the way someone is doing something, you may assert your desire for control by means of a threat to force conformity to your preference. These arise from the perpetrator's selfish ambitions.

Fifth, in the case of parents threatening children, this tactic serves to teach the children to become manipulators in their own behavior. This does not advance the cause of godly child-rearing but rather does great damage.

Finally, religious threats, simply put, constitute evil speech. They set a bad example for those watching, they are unloving, unkind, badly motivated and do not reflect the character of God, the fruit of the Holy Spirit, nor a heart of contrition.

Allow me to implore you if you have ever used a threat like what I have discussed above, and especially if you are guilty of a pattern of such behavior. You need to confess your sin to God and have a contrite heart. You need to apologize to those you have harmed. You need to look at your motivations. You need to re-evaluate the thing "X" that you are angling for, because it is likely evil in some way. Instead of trying to manipulate others or live by fear, focus on walking with Christ yourself and let "X" happen or not depending on God's will, not yours.

If someone is verbally threatening you in this way, do not give in to it and do not let it move you away from godly behavior. Confront the person about their ill behavior, and refuse to disobey God under the power of their threats. Remember, do not fear man. Fear God. Trust Him to help you. If it is possible, separate from that person. Seek Christian counsel. If this is happening in a marriage situation, seek Christian counsel with the spouse. Reconciliation is the ultimate goal, but it may not be possible.

Verbal threats are odious and are very damaging. Physical threats are another level of seriousness. They warrant immediate action by those threatened and their loved ones. In a domestic situation, that action may include removal from the home, reporting to the police or child protective services, among other remedies. The one making the threat must repent and begin to live in love.